Big Girls Don’t Cry

Photo credit: crlygrl34 

It is my 3^rd day on Clomid and I am starting to feel the bloating.  I have my scan scheduled for Friday 18^th which is the 11^th day of my cycle.  This is to determine pre ovulation.  I am praying to God that all goes well there and I am very nervous about the scan.

My husband and I have kind of warmed up to the idea of having a child and have even been excited about it.  When I say warmed I actually mean heated because we have always tried to just say hey if it doesn’t happen we can buy another dog. 

The problem with this is that this could all fall in a heap and I may not be pregnant at the end.  This knowledge kills me to my core, and my husband even though he would never admit that. 

I even went to K-mart tonight to pick up a lay-by (Australian term) and walked through the baby section.  I saw so many tiny cute things for boys and girls and I almost started to cry whilst in the store.  Because I just couldn’t bare it if we couldn’t after all this medical stuff get pregnant.

I have always dreamed of having a child since I was a child of 5 years old.  This may sound strange but it is the truth and even at 5 I knew I wanted to meet a wonderful kind man to marry and always I had in that picture a little girl.  She will be called Isabella, although if she were a boy then he would be called Nicholas. 

So you see failure is no option, I refuse to give up on this because the truth is I would be such a wonderful mum, caring, giving and always bring laughter to the house.  To be able to do that for a child is I guess every woman’s dream.  I know it is mine. 

PS. I am feeling quite emotional right now, it is the Clomid ( I am hormonal ).